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Road to Reorder (B​-​Sides & Demos)

by Eric DeLong

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1.
I woke with such a pain down in my guts I cannot endure pretense So I told myself to keep on movin This tower cannot fall I was sipping from flowers Ignoring the leaves Dead all around Head still in the clouds I got a head of electric bees And the ground fell out beneath I keep my feet running in mid air So it feels like I'm going somwhere Gotta go somewhere I think myself into a knot Trying to make the pieces fit Staring into things archaic Modern mind won't let them stick I was drinking from flowers Ignoring the leaves Dead all around I can't believe I got a head of electric bees And the ground fell out beneath I keep my feet running in mid air So it feels like I'm going somwhere Gotta go somewhere
2.
I walk through the house Up the stairs and then down Out the windows, under doors For a crack to let a little light in I've been hiding out From my true self Telling stories, believing lies Never felt like it was ever quite right I'm steppin out I'm steppin out In truer light In truer light And it hurts my eyes Yeah it hurts my eyes Just for a time I catch a glimpse Of myself in the mirror It's not who I thought Would be staring right back at me Shape shifting form You look different to me New identity It was always there, just beneath I'm steppin out I'm steppin out In truer light In truer light And it hurts my eyes Yeah it hurts my eyes Just for a time I was just a kid Needing reassurance They wouldn't let me in You were arms wide open Such a typical story Power and advantage My prefrontal cortex wasn't even Fully formed yet And it's hard waking up For the first time It's hard waking For the first time It's hard I'm steppin out I'm steppin out In truer light In truer light It don't hurt my eyes It don't hurt my eyes No not anymore
3.
The sun hides behind the clouds The snow blankets every square of ground And i think to myself It's been a long year Spinning tires and making rounds My head's a carousel of lights I just need some rest My unwelcomed guest I just need some rest Please forgive Please forgive my reticence I woke scattered, scraping round My mind screams, there's a rope But my brain it says Just throw in the towel, the day is broke Phantom pains Paralyzed leg It's been a while Since you've darkened my door Thought I had covered my tracks And locked the door You keep coming round A dog never forgets where he feeds So how do i find my escape and get some relief I just need some rest My unwelcomed guest I just need some rest Please forgive Please forgive my reticence
4.
Tired steps Down the boulevard I've been keeping my pace Trying not to think too hard I was talking to a friend Just the other day Said everything's changin Nothing stays the same And I'm losing my voice Just enough to tell When I walk out the door in the morn My knees are shakier than hell I've been walking this road Still got a long way to go I've been thinking these days I just don't know Just don't know Just don't know Tired thoughts Racin round my head What is truth? Plaguing me to bed Youthful faith And the coming of age Black and white and grey Well they ain't so plain And I'm losing my voice Just enough to tell When I walk out the door in the morn My knees are shakier than hell I've been walking this road Still got a long way to go I've been thinking these days I just don't know Just don't know Just don't know Brother Billy On the way back from house Stood atop the bridge Pictured myself flying off Would I be released From all this chaos and grief Would my family Fly more free without me? And I'm losing my voice Just enough to tell When I walk out the door in the morn My knees are shakier than hell I've been walking this road Still got a long way to go I've been thinking these days I just don't know But I'll live one more I'll live one more Live one more Live one more
5.
I woke in the morning Affected by some unseen wind The grey skies seem to creep in Cold seeping into your bones And all I am doing Is trying to keep on Synapse fire Burnin thoughts Try to keep it together Repress the past Everything is fine Just keep it together Oh God, just keep it together After all, we're held Held together by spit and wire I walk to the back yard Smoke and contemplate the stars Some vague sense of inconsequence So small, but yet I'm still here And all I am doing Is trying not to fuck up Synapse fire Burnin thoughts Try to keep it together Repress the past Everything is fine Just keep it together Oh God, just keep it together After all, we're held Held together by spit and wire Spit and wire Spit and wire So fragile Spit and wire So fragile Spit and wire So fragile Spit and wire So fragile Spit and wire... Some chemicals steal my joy Brain chemistry destroyed Am I the chemicals? Are the chemical me, with it? I just shuffle along I'm only human I'm only human I'm only human
6.
I'm so sick of all this shit My clutch is going out No money in my bank account There's a skunk underneath my house Keep trying to get ahead All I get is knocked down I don't know what the fuck is up With this persistent black cloud I'm losing my mind in music city again Broken dreams and high rent Traffic jams, too many bachelorettes I'm losing my mind in music city again I'm losing my mind in music city again Broken dreams and high rent Traffic jams, too many bachelorettes I'm losing my mind in music city again Coasted into a Mapco Time to get a second job Wish I could be a 9 to 5'er But I'm not a company man Wish that I could be like you Be happy for a while Play my guitar, bring in $85,000 But I'm making coffee just to not survive I'm losing my mind in music city again Broken dreams and high rent Traffic jams, too many bachelorettes I'm losing my mind in music city again I'm losing my mind in music city again Broken dreams and high rent Traffic jams, too many bachelorettes I'm losing my mind in music city again
7.
There's a bright blue sky Beyond the dark black clouds They've been rolling in No sign of slowing down What will be, will be What will be, will be And I'll whistle on through the dark Til the sun comes out again I'll whistle on through the dark Til the sun comes out again No stranger to pain To the fear and doubt In the rain I'll whistle on through the dark Til the sun comes out And it will come out again Our love was floatin on a sea In a rudderless boat Hoping we'd get to the coast On just our hopes and dreams Well it don't work that way No it don't work that way And I'll whistle on through the dark Til the sun comes out again I'll whistle on through the dark Til the sun comes out again No stranger to pain To the fear and doubt In the rain I'll whistle on through the dark Til the sun comes out And it will come out again Don't let your love grow cold We both got smiles and scars to show Knowing what we know we can build a better home But if you don't wanna try Lover let me go I'll whistle on through the dark Til the sun comes out again I'll whistle on through the dark Til the sun comes out again No stranger to pain To the fear and doubt In the rain And I'll whistle on through the dark Til the sun comes out And it will come out again And I will be fine on my own But I'd rather weather the storm together
8.
You wear the brightest smile Over top a sinister soul You put on a perfect smoke screen Nobody even knows it's a show No, not even you No, not even you Well you've been lookin so pretty I couldn't help myself but to tell you The display wasn't for me To someone else's arms you were runnin to You're teeth turned to bright white Perfect for lies to hide Like when you said.. I do, I do Like when you said I do, I do I won't hide that we had troubles But I pledged myself to fight and to see it through I guess I can't say the same for you You said the words but actions showed that it wasn't true I guess I was duped I was duped I guess I was duped I was duped And he'll be too.
9.
Let It Go 05:20
I don't hate you Though I've wanted to The years that you stole from me Angered at myself cuz I let em be There are places that I cannot go With you so don't ask me to do so Gotta let it go Gotta let it go Gotta let it go I was hurting You preferred I pick up the speed I was lost inside a hurricane Didn't know where to put all the ache I just needed time But you did not have it I was pushing through it But you'd had it You let me go Yeah, you let me go Yeah, you let me go Now I see clearly Lost my shape, you didn't know what to do I don't blame you You only did what you thought you had to do I don't want to walk home alone Anchored down by my pain hungry ghost If I'm to float free, love and be Loose my past, I gotta cut the road Gotta let it go Gotta let it go Gotta let it go Gotta let it go...
10.
You say things You ought not to say To anyone Even your worst enemy But you spill your filth Til my ears start to bleed Pouring poison Incessantly You're crazy, You ain't got nothin You're a failure You ain't even breakin even You make fun Of my second store shoes Standing tall In your cool Kangaroos You said I look like a farmer In my Oshkosh B'gosh Dressed in your Polo Lookin so posh Trailer trash bottom feeder Bologne and cheese sandwich eater My shittiest friend Why do you talk so mean to me? All through the day and when the sunsets Even follows me into my bed Well it's hard when your shittiest friend Is in your head I'm stretching my brain With arithmetic Trying to read faster And understand it I learned in class Not to raise my hand When the teacher just calls you A stupid kid Shook down, pushed out, backseater Why try? Deck stacked, joy stealer I got older As the voice amplified Lookin around No one's by my side Somehow external Got internalized Now I'm trying To get back in Drive Human feedback defeater Gentle self gavel dealer My shittiest friend Why do you talk so mean to me? All through the day and when the sunsets Even follows me into my bed Well it's hard when your shittiest friend Is in your head
11.
I rode in on my high horse Waving my arms with a sword attached at the end Look out below Everything I do is right Everything you do is wrong I'm coming for blood And I can't help myself But I simply love the sound Of your cranium Cracking the pavement Heads will roll Heads will roll Heads will roll If you don't think the way I do The way I do Left or right I can't tell who is who Talk, talk and scream in my face It's getting quite old Pick your team and tow the line Everything will be just fine You know you gotta survive I can't help myself But I simply love the feel Of the power of social capital Heads will roll Heads will roll Heads will roll If you don't think the way I do The way I do
12.
I woke up in an unfamiliar place This does not feel like my life The lines on my face, they're stretched outta place I'm upside down and out of phase Blurry smear, tick tock through time and space Stretched out, shrunk down, I'm turned around In a hall of mirrors, somebody get me out of here Somebody wake me up Somebody wake me up Somebody wake me up Somebody wake me up I start runnin' I can't feel my legs Soon enough I'm leaving a bloody mess The hounds of hell picking up my smell My feet pound the ground Please legs don't fail The cold sweat plumed out, expanding cloud All encompassing shroud, it's billowing loud In the woods of fear, somebody get me out of here Somebody wake me up Somebody wake me up Somebody wake me up Somebody wake me up
13.
Took a walk among the trees Sun on my skin Walked the mountains, plains and hills Every square inch I mapped it out in my mind Thought I knew it all Surveyed the creatures and the plants Big and small I fell down the side of a mountain Slipped into a cave, upended The world's much bigger than I knew The world's much bigger than I knew Someone I knew, said when you know, you don't When you know you don't, you're closed Don't wanna be closed no more Don't wanna be closed no more Climbed my way through the canals My mind transfixed Breaking ways I thought I thought, and existed Through the underground lagoon, resurface again Heart still pounding from the new Found by accident I swam through dark, cold water Narrow passages, baptized, broader The world's much bigger than I knew The world's much bigger than I knew Someone I knew, said when you know, you don't When you know you don't, you're closed Don't wanna be closed no more Don't wanna be closed no more Don't wanna be closed no more Don't wanna be closed no more
14.
I set sail on the unseen Pierce the veil of the inky black shroud I dove deep and I have seen What's mine and what's yours to own I just want to get back home I just want to get back home I just want to get back home And feel like myself, back home There is something, deep within That's just waiting to break the surface Feel the light, shadow takes flight And breaks beyond the storied past of old I just want to get back home I just want to get back home I just want to get back home And feel like myself, back home Get back home Get back home Get back home Get back home Get back home Get back home Get back home Get back home
15.
Carried in from all four winds Just for an afternoon and gone again Black dress, button down, bright spring day File past, shake hands and commemorate Luminary, legendary 25 page long obituary Well he tackled big things But treasured the small Cuz that's where life Is at after all Sitting on a bank, throwing stones Son by my side, nowhere to go Imagined explosions and laughing so loud Pulling worms from the field That had just been plowed Luminary, legendary 25 page long obituary Well he tackled big things But treasured the small Cuz that's where life Is at after all Don't wait on heaven No need for permission Right here, right now be found Dark days will come With clouds of no direction Let it fade, set your sight and intention Luminary, legendary 25 page long obituary Well he tackled big things But treasured the small Cuz that's where life Is at after all
16.
Behind a rock, bottom of a hill Feelin doomed to a Sisyphus climb Fool's errand, futile task Start to ask myself why try I fell asleep in a dream Forgot that I could lucidly leave the realm Felt something inside me, sing You gotta voice Why don't ya use it You gotta choice So why don't ya choose it There's a big ol' world out there So dream it up, step out and do it Got tangled up in another's world Where the rules constantly change Square to square, no way out Til off with his head, said the Queen I fell asleep in a dream Forgot that I could walk away from the game I didn't want to play anyway You gotta voice Why don't ya use it You gotta choice So why don't ya choose it There's a big ol' world out there So dream it up, step out and do it Shooting cannonballs to try to keep me From cloud skipping to bend my fiction Voices from without but often from within Causing friction, but you're not welcome here anymore If you don't like well there's the door I gotta voice And I'm gonna use it I gotta choice And I'm gonna choose it There's a big ol' world out there So dream it up, step out and do it
17.
I was making my way down 2nd street Past the cobblestone roads And the people shuffling their feet There's a book on a night stand Waiting for someone to read Light's faded the cover On the inside stark black ink We were young Started waking up We were young Still banking on luck I got 39 years now behind my back The world is a' hurtin We can heal it back I know better than to try and think like that We were young and dumb, unbroken yet We were young and dumb Young and dumb We were young and dumb I met a fortune teller at the age of ten She slipped me secrets from beyond Open roads and dead ends She took a tumble off a train car Showed me there on those tracks Cracked paint, gears and levers Magic extinguished I was young Started breaking up I was young Started losing love I got 39 years now behind my back The world is a' hurtin We can heal it back I know better than to try and think like that I was young and dumb, unbroken yet I was young and dumb Young and dumb I was young and dumb If there's a spark left I want to know where it's hid Cuz I've got life left I need to know how to spend Is ephemeral within reach Or a fog that lifts When the sun hits the deep I want it back I want it back I got 39 years now behind my back Trying not to focus on all the things I lack Transcend or get flattened by the jaded and black Wanna die old and fun til nature says it's a wrap Wanna die old and fun, old and fun Wanna die old and fun

about

This album is composed of demos and b-sides for Reorder. These songs were recorded from 2018-2021 in various stages of my home studio as I moved three times!

What became "Reorder" went through two earlier developments/ideas. The first idea was to write an album that was mainly concerned with issues around mental health called "Spit & Wire". I had a psychology professor in college who one day said in class, "Be mindful how you speak to people. Some folks are held together by spit and wire." That always stuck with me and at certain times in my life, I was one of those people.

The idea for these songs shifted again when I went through a radical spiritual transformation and shortly thereafter, a divorce. I was heavily influenced by the book "Fall Upwards" by Richard Rohr and the idea of Order/Disorder/Reorder. I thought it would be interesting to do an audio triptych of 3 EP's loosely based on each one of those themes. Each EP would also be stylistically different. I put together a Kickstarter for the project but it didn't reach it's goal and that is when I decided to shift the vision of the project again into what became "Reorder".

I love these songs and have a love for demos as they typically capture the essence of a song or feeling early on, in it's pure state. Sometimes I prefer other artist's demos compared to the final product. Maybe some of these songs will be released in a more produced fashion one day or maybe they'll just live in this state? Whatever the case may be, I hope you enjoy these songs and the little story of the importance they've played in producing the resulting album "Reorder"

credits

released February 3, 2023

Recorded, mixed, master by Eric DeLong
Drums on "Head Will Roll" - Aaron Tosti
Drums on "Duped" - Keith Stacey

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Eric DeLong Nashville, Tennessee

A Kentuckian, living in the flat land of Evansville, IN, bringing you tunes from my basement. I also play guitar and sing in a band called The Apprentice.

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